My appliances went on strike

I heard my refrigerator talking to my dryer. It said, “I’ve been in this household for over 14 years. I’ve moved six times. I need a break.” The dryer said, “Funny thing, mate, I was just talking to the washing machine and it said, “I thought the load would lighten up after the kids left for college, but boy was I ever wrong. I need a break. I can’t take it anymore.”

The dryer was embarrassed. For months now it could not work at full speed. There was not enough heat and it was taking two or three times longer to do the same job it did 10 years ago. Hearing the fridge and the washer, the dryer finally threw in the towel, “Okay clothesline. I give up. You win!”

And so all three appliances went on strike in rapid succession. Not total strike, just enough to keep us guessing — the fridge doesn’t make ice anymore and the leak from the bottom reminds us of its age… The dryer is cold and the washer quits unexpectedly. After a while, it starts again, but sometimes it is so out of synch, it eats at the edges of clothes. That’s what angry washers do.

This has been going on for a while so the rumors spread. The dryer talked to the dishwasher who talked to the microwave. The dishwasher quit for good and last night the microwave decided to ease itself into uselessness: “I will keep running but there will be no more heat coming out of this baby!” My son was amazed that after two minutes the cheese on his sandwich was unmovable. Microwaves playing practical jokes? Who would’ve thunk?

And the rumors didn’t stop. From the vent outside our house the 1985 Buick heard about the mutiny inside and decided to take a break. The 2001 Jetta, after hundreds of dollars in repairs, also gave up the breaks. One sits on our church parking lot now and the other adorns the street in front of our house. Their unions are now demanding full compensation for damages due to over work.

And just this afternoon, as I was driving to Canton and Akron, my 2003 Ford Ranger had the hiccups. I didn’t know that Fords talked to Volkswagens or Buicks! Something is misfiring and I was afraid I was going to be left stranded on the road somewhere as the snow was falling. Thankfully I made it home, but worried, I put the truck inside the garage, to cut any communication with the Buick outside. But a question will plague me tonight: Do cars talk to washers and dryers? There is only a thin wall separating them!

Yes, I can still laugh at all of this, but am seriously wondering: Is this just a mere coincidence or is there more to this story? How do you negotiate with appliances and cars? I sure wish they could give us a few more years. Okay, maybe a few more days until I win the Ohio money ball. Oh wait: I haven’t bought the ticket yet. Worse yet,  my job doesn’t allow me to play the lottery, but desperate people resort to desperate measures. How much is that ticket anyway? :).

April 28th can’t get here soon enough. That is the day a town next to ours holds their big trash day. Maybe I will give up my stuff and find a few good things in other people’s trash. But I am not holding my breath…

Ivanildo C. Trindade