Addicted to Coffee or Cigarettes?


Ah the weekend. Time for some coffee at Starbucks. And time for some diversion. I read this week (in Portuguese) that two guys walked into a store in Manchester, England, and robbed it at coffee point. You heard it right: not gun point or knife point but coffee point.

The cameras don’t lie. The only weapon used during the robbery was a cup of coffee! I’m assuming the guy got the coffee at the store, but there was no word on whether it was cold, hot, decaf or robust. The guy simply told the clerk, “Do everything I say. If you make a move, I will decaffeinate you!” No, he didn’t say that, but he did threaten to kill the guy if he didn’t cooperate. And he may have said something about how bad the coffee tasted…

Now, I don’t agree with robbing, but if you are going to do it anyway, I have to say that is the way to go. Yes, creative, non-violent, caffeinated thieves are in short supply. Imagine if this caught on. “Open the safe or I will spray Birthday cake on you!” “Give me the money, I got green tea!”

But as impressed as I am with the plan, I am disappointed at the object of their covetousness. Not money, not gold, not even lottery tickets. Instead, the thieves made out with cigarettes! How disappointing. I mean, I can understand if they walked into the store, used a pack of cigarette as a weapon, and robbed all the coffee available. But use coffee to rob cigarettes? Come on!

I don’t know if there is a moral to the story, but if I had to choose between a thief addicted to coffee or one addicted to cigarettes, I think I would definitely go with the bean, not the nicotine.

Have a nice weekend!

Ivanildo C. Trindade

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