Tagged: unselfish acts Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts

  • ivanildotrindade 11:25 pm on May 2, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: altruism, detailing in wooster, giving, , lover greater than self, new business, poor, sacrifice, , unconditional love, unselfish acts   

    Put the Swagger Back in Your Ride! 

    I’m holding a business card on my hand. Underneath the car detailing business name it says, “Put the swagger back in your ride!” That card has some special meaning to me. Just a few months ago the owner of that new business, together with his wife and three children, were evicted from their apartment and became semi-homeless, wandering around to and from relatives’ houses who no longer wanted to house them or sometimes just sleeping in their car.

    A young couple from my church came to their rescue. Now why is that important? Because it helps me solve a dilemma. Simply put, I have an extended family member somewhere in the world who does not believe that anyone is capable of doing a truly unselfish act. We’ve debated this ad infinitum and this person is unmovable: “There is no such a thing as unconditional love or pure altruism. If I do something for you, it is because it will benefit me in the end somehow.”

    Okay, here is a scenario: a young couple with no children took this family into their beautiful and impeccable house. Some of their own relatives disagreed with the decision. Once the kids came in there was noise and chaos all around. Their quiet evenings sitting together reading, talking, watching T.V. or surfing the net were gone. Though hard-working, the family had little money so they had to dig into their savings to help. They had to help transport the kids to school, doctors’ appointments and other activities in and out of town.

    At times, they had to step in because the kids were running the show. They didn’t want to rough feathers but they had to say something when they saw things that were contrary to the way they were brought up. Their meal schedules were slightly off, their conversations were no longer private, their house began to show the wear and tear of strong little munchkins who were out to save the world — or protect themselves from impending doom. Curve balls were thrown at them and at times they were forced to be at odds with each other. They temporarily lost control of even the mundane.

    But they also used the time to coach that couple on some important principles of finances, budgeting, spending habits, personal discipline and boundaries. They taught them the meaning of true friendship and how to turn negative circumstances into opportunities for growth. They partnered with agencies and individuals in town to find resources to help the family get back on their own feet. They became their advocates and learned the ropes the poor have to navigate.

    And why did they do that? According to my distant, relative because they were devising to get something back from the deal. Oh yes, they knew that one day I would be writing a laudatory piece about their action. And they also suspected I would write an article for the church newsletter with their picture illustrating the principle of compassion to strangers. And they absolutely love disruption, chaos, running noses, noisy runs and the likes!

    Really? I would rather believe in unicorns!

    And by the way the business card I’m holding — I’m going to keep it close to me. It is a reminder that there are still people in this world that are motivated by a love greater than themselves. And if you want to get an amazing detail work on your vehicle, please call my friend at 330-439-3451. Mention my name and I get nothing in return. But he will make house calls and I promise he will not stay… Okay, seriously, I am so proud of the work he is doing and would encourage you, if you live in Wooster, to give him your business. Only $65 for a full interior and exterior outstanding detail work. Thank you!

    Ivanildo C. Trindade

    • Bob & Linda 10:21 am on May 3, 2012 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks for the suggestion brother. i need to put some swagger back into my ride after 180 K miles. Scheduled for Saturday. Bob

      • ivanildotrindade 10:45 am on May 3, 2012 Permalink | Reply

        awesome, bob. pass the word around, please. u will be pleased with his work.

        • ivanildotrindade 11:16 am on May 3, 2012 Permalink

          in this case, julie, it is the thought that counts. by the way, i spent a few minutes the other day trying to get the “press this” link on my blog but was a no-go. i am relatively new at this and don’t have a lot of time, so if u have tips, tip. thanks!

    • Julie 11:06 am on May 3, 2012 Permalink | Reply

      beautiful. If I had a ride and I lived nearby, I’d certainly take advantage of the detailing. so I will take the message metaphorically.

    • ivanildotrindade 11:19 am on May 3, 2012 Permalink | Reply

      in this case, julie, it is the thought that counts. by the way, i spent a few minutes the other day trying to get the “press this” link on my blog but was a no-go. i am relatively new at this and don’t have a lot of time, so if u have tips, tip. thanks!

    • Bob & Linda 7:50 pm on May 5, 2012 Permalink | Reply

      PS from Bob. The guys just finished putting the swagger back into my Escalade ESV ride. 6 hours and what a finished product. Looks better than brand new. Thanks Ivanildo for the suggestion! Bob

      • ivanildotrindade 9:01 pm on May 5, 2012 Permalink | Reply

        i am so happy 2 hear that, bob. i know u will recommend them 2 your friends. that’s what it is about, isn’t it?

  • ivanildotrindade 10:48 pm on April 5, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: emotional withdrawal, , marriage isolation, marriage withdrawal, , , selfishness in marriage, unselfish acts   

    24 Hours of Unselfishness 

    Selfishness. They told me that is one of the top reasons why marriages fail. Really? Well, I don’t have to go to a conference to learn that. Actually, selfishness is at the root of the failure of any type of relationship.

    If you didn’t know already, you and I are selfish. Really? How do I know? Well, for starters, one of the first words we learn to say as babies is… No, it’s not “daddy” or “mommy.” It’s “no!” normally while pounding the high chair… And why is that? First of all, those are easy sounds to learn. Secondly, it is our way of saying, “I am not happy,” or “Do it my way!”

    When we toddlerize, we have to learn to share our toys. This has to be reinforced again and again. When we enter the pre-human phase (teenagers), at least in the U.S., kids must have separate rooms.

    You would think we would have learned by the time we reach adulthood. But no, in some ways, we get “smarter” in perfecting our selfishness. Now we are selfish and we don’t care! We have a hard time admitting we were wrong. And telling our spouse s/he was right? Never in a million years! We focus on the other person’s mistakes and shortcomings and tend to forget our own. We cover up when we mess up and broadcast when our spouse makes even a little mistake. We may not broadcast it to the world, but we do it inside our houses, sometimes while pounding the kitchen table!

    There is more. Many marriages are ruined by the insistence of one spouse to pursue his or her career in spite of the other person’s objections or concerns. Selfishness leads to emotional or physical withdrawal and isolation. Eventually we only have to put up with ourselves because the other person is no longer home, whether physically or emotionally.

    But there is good news: your marriage doesn’t have to be ruined by selfishness. Here is what we all need to do.

    1. Be aware of your own selfishness. Don’t try to deny it, hide it, divert it or make light of it. Acknowledge it and work to remedy it.

    2. Every week, think about something you will do where you will purposefully put the other person ahead of your own needs. Whether it is forfeiting that NBA game and going to buy groceries because your wife is too tired, or skipping your Zumba exercise class that you cannot miss just to be there when your hubby comes home. Whatever it is, plan ahead and do it. Don’t expect anything in return either. Just do it.

    3. Work hard to treat your spouse the way you always tend to treat yourself. There is nothing wrong with a little love of self. In fact, a sober dose of self-love is a sign of a well-adjusted soul. That’s why Jesus said we should love our neighbor “as we love ourselves,” and Paul said that husbands should love their wives “as their own bodies.” Then he goes on to make the obvious point: “After all, no one (he is talking about a healthy person here) ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body…” Self-love is only bad when it becomes the focus of our existence.

    4. And here is the hardest challenge: pick a 24 hour period where you will resolutely seek to be free from any selfish acts. This could be not taking the only available parking space close to the store and letting the older lady behind you grab it or it could be buying coffee for your whole staff. If you do this, you will truly discover the things you do that could be considered selfish. Take notes of the times you are behind the wheel. Pay close attention to meetings where you can’t wait to make a point and cut other people mid-sentence. Some of the most unselfish acts you will do will be related to listening more, giving focused attention, and acting like the person across from you is the most person in the world.

    Ultimately, though, it is the unselfish acts you will do to your spouse that will count the most. If they go unreciprocrated and you say nothing, then you’ve really passed the selfishness test. Eventually, the other person will catch on.

    Ivanildo C. Trindade

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