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  • ivanildotrindade 9:30 pm on February 18, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: do you love me, Dr. John Barger, dramatic events, husbands, , men can change, radical change, sadness, still-born, the death of a child, tragedy, wives, women issues   

    Tutored by Tragedy 

    No other single event can change a man like the death of a child. I know because I lost my first son in 1988. In Dr. John Barger’s case, this dramatic event was preceded by his wife’s excruciatingly difficult delivery complete with a placenta that was torn loose and ensuing hemorrhaging. The result was that the baby was still-born baby. He describes the event and how it impacted him with these words:

    “At two in the morning in a stark, bright hospital delivery room, I held in my left hand my tiny lifeless son, and stared in disbelief at his death. I had the power to make [my family’s] lives worse by raging against my baby’s death and my wife’s lack of love, or to make their lives better by learning to love them properly. I had to choose. And it was a clear choice, presented in an instant as I stared at my tiny, helpless, stillborn infant cradled in my hand. In that crucial instant, with God’s grace, I chose the arduous, undramatic, discouraging path of trying to be good. I don’t have time to tell you of all the afflictions we endured in the next four years: sick children, my mother’s sudden death, my losing my job as a teacher, three more miscarriages, and finally a secret sorrow that pierced both of us to the very core of our beings.

    In the midst of these many afflictions, I found that the only way I could learn to love, and to cease being a cause of pain, was to suffer, endure, and strive every minute to repudiate my anger, my resentment, my scorn, my jealousy, my lust, my pride, and my dozens of other vices. I began holding my tongue. I started admitting my faults and apologizing for them. I quit defending myself when I was judged too harshly, for the important thing was not to be right but to love. And frankly, once I started listening to Susan, once I began really hearing her and drawing her out, I was startled at how many and how deep were her wounds and her sorrows.

    Most were not sorrows unique to Susan. They were the sorrows that all feel: sorrows that arise from the particular physiology of women and from their vocation as mothers, which gives them heavy duties and responsibilities while leaving them almost totally dependent on men for their material well-being and their spiritual support; sorrows that arise from loving their husbands and children intensely, but not being able to keep harm from those they love; sorrows that arise from the fact that in our society even the most chaste of women are regularly threatened by the lustful stares, remarks, and advances of men; and sorrows that arise because our society in general still considers women stupid, flighty, and superficial, and still places very little value on women and shows very little respect for them.

    Women suffer these wounds far more often and with a greater intensity than most of us men ever realize. And unless we ask them, women generally do not speak to us of these sorrows, perhaps because we men so often dismiss their troubles as insignificant or write off women themselves as simply weak and whiny. Can men withdraw the sword of sorrow that pierces every woman’s heart? I don’t think so. Their problems are generally not the kind that have a solution, but rather form the very fabric of their daily existence.

    One of my friends, when confronted at the end of a long workday with his wife’s complaints about the noise, the troubles, and the unending housework, snapped back at her in exasperation: “Well, do you want me to stay home and do the housework while you go off to the office?” You understand his point: He couldn’t solve her problems. What did she want him to do? I’ll tell you. She wanted him to listen, to understand, and to sympathize. She wanted him to let her know that despite her problems, her exhaustion, her dishevelment, he loved her; to let her know that it caused him sorrow that she was suffering and that if it were possible, he would change it for her.”

    These words pierce the heart. They ought to be read by every married men and women everywhere. He goes on to describe how through three years of hard work, he was finally able to draw his wife’s love out again, only to have tragedy struck like a thief in the night. More on that later.

    Ivanildo C. Trindade

  • ivanildotrindade 9:28 pm on December 15, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: neglected children, , rescue, sexual slavery, , women issues   

    Three brothers in hope and sorrow 

    I could cry a thousand years and not run out of tears. I could speak a thousand words and not vent enough. I  could do a thousand good deeds and never atone for one evil committed against three little boys who never asked to come into this world. Three siblings tied by blood and fate. Three soul mates bound by disaster and hope, laugh and despair.

    There was once three little sticks running naked on the mountains of northern Thailand at a time when they thought they owned the land their feet ran on. They were happy and totally oblivious to the upheaval forming around them. The storm came suddenly and engulfed them. It started when their father passed away. Their mom was beautiful and young. For reasons we don’t know, her father, seeing that she was alone, sold her to another man from another village.

    And two nights ago, after three years since these three boys were rescued and brought to Grace Place, Thailand, a home in Wiang Pa Pao, northern Thailand, funded by the Wooster Grace Brethren Church, they finally opened their hearts with the house parents and shared their story. The night was chilly, as it often is this time of the year on the mountains in that part of the world. They started an open fire and the kids gathered around the adults just to talk.

    Perhaps it was the close proximity to the adults who cared for them, or maybe it was the warmth of the fire. Whatever it was, they began to tell about how their mom was taken from them. They came for her in a truck, she was wailing uncontrollably and tried to hang on to her children. No one cared that they cried and screamed, hoping to avoid the worst, and in the end, she was yanked away from them and that was the last time they saw her.

    They were left to wander around, without anyone in charge, foraging for food and relying on the generosity of others. The oldest boy, one of the leaders in the home, and now 12, said that he marked those people forever. He said, “I don’t care if they are relatives, grandfather or whatever, I don’t want to ever see them again.”

    One of the house parents, trying to console the boy, said, “But you have to understand, they did this because they didn’t know the true God like you do. One day you will be able to go back to your village and tell them about this God who loves them.” Without hesitation, he said, “No I won’t. They don’t deserve to hear it.” Said like a child who learned to grow up fast and still doesn’t understand the meaning of forgiveness. But how can you blame him?

    My skeptical friends will have to forgive me, but this is a case in which good has triumphed over evil. I have looked into the faces of these boys and saw only joy and happiness. They have learned to speak Thai and are attending school. They now have the full rights of citizenship in the land of their birth. They are being cared for by loving “parents” and are fed royally every day. And I am thankful for the people who have made it possible to rescue these precious little boys. Without knowing fully, their investment helped interrupted a cycle of abuse and re-introduced hope in the hearts of three wounded little ones.

    But in our rush to congratulate ourselves, we should never forget the story of these little boys and continue to do everything we can to help rescue many more who are still being yanked from the arms of their loving mothers because of the evil of sexual slavery.

    Ivanildo C. Trindade

  • ivanildotrindade 11:33 pm on October 2, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: " world bank study, "selective abortion, gender equality and development, women issues   

    Where have all the girls gone? 

    The Brazilian-language newspaper called it “the silence genocide of girls,” but you will not see this story headlined with that kind of language in any newspaper in the U.S. (I compared the coverage in U.S.-based papers so this is not simply speculation on my part). The story in question refers to the new study by the World Bank titled “Gender Equality and Development 2012,” which calls attention to the fact that every year the world loses 2 million female babies due to “selective abortion” (aborting babies simply for being female), and to practices that favor babies of the male gender throughout the world. Also, neglect accounts for a high mortality rate among girls between 0 and 5 years of age.

    India is the worse offender, followed by China. According to the report, 1,427 million female babies are not allowed to come into the world because of “selective abortion” and 617 thousand little girls die before the age of 5 due to the fact that countries which are already plagued by poverty prefer to dedicate its meager resources to the survival of the male gender.

    But the problem is not limited to India and China. In East Europe and the Caucus, especially in Serbia, Azerbaijan and Georgia, the number of “selective abortions” duplicated in eight years.

    Social and cultural explanations abound as to why this problem persists even in a global society such as ours. Perhaps Mr. Suren Nahapetyan, an Armenian, typifies the voice of the typical offender. He said, “I know my wife suffers because of this, but an Armenian family is not complete without a male heir to preserve on the family name.” Mr. Nahapetyan forced his wife to abort their second (female) child since they already had a girl and they can only afford to rear two children.

    According to a different U.N. study, there are 1,600 “selective abortions” per day in India. That is a staggering number that speaks of a type of genocide but not a silent one. The world should be alarmed by these numbers and we should be screaming.

    Better yet, for solutions, we should be looking at the example of South Korea. In just one generation, South Korea managed to reverse the same trends as the one found in India and China now, and it came not only through laws but especially through intense re-education of the population concerning the value of women and the aggressive insertion of women in the labor force.

    So there it is, ironic as it may seem, technology that was meant for good, such as ultrasound that allows you to discover the baby’s gender early on in the pregnancy, has now become a weapon in the hands of those who let their fears dictate who should live and who should die. Technology becomes a tool in advancing the cause of ignorance around the world. Pregnant women’s great ally, the magic ultrasound, turned into the greatest enemy of the gender. Leave it for people to mess things up in this world.

    I don’t know where to go from here except to say that this practice is wrong and it must be stopped wherever it is found. And even abortion proponents should recognize that and lend their voices in protest.

    Ivanildo C. Trindade

    • Sarah 9:20 am on October 3, 2011 Permalink | Reply

      I am reading a book about this exact topic: “Unnatural Selection: Choosing Boys Over Girls, and the Consequences of a World Full of Men” by Mara Hvistendahl. As a person who believes in “a woman’s right to choose” she makes some pretty poignant points about the consequences of elective abortion on women as a whole. I got it from the Wooster Library.

    • ivanildotrindade 10:23 am on October 3, 2011 Permalink | Reply

      Sounds like a very interesting read, Sarah. Thanks for pointing us in that direction. This is an issue that is flying under the radar. I would be interested in what some of the consequences she points out are. Thanks again.

    • Ivaldo Trindade 10:38 am on October 3, 2011 Permalink | Reply

      Isso é terrivel. Outro dia vi uma matéria sobre essa situação na China. Ela mostrava uma família, dentre muitas, que ousaram ter outra filha. A realidade é que a situação da segunda filha é totalmente ignorada pelo Estado Chines. Ela não tem certidão de nascimento e está relegada a “não existir”. É abominável.

    • ivanildotrindade 10:53 am on October 3, 2011 Permalink | Reply

      Concordo plenamente, Ivaldo, mas quem pode exercer pressao sobre a China, ja que esse pais ja e quase dono da tesouraria americana? Os inocentes clamam por justica. E ainda e pior na India. Their blood cries out to God.

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